My name is Nathan, but I prefer to go by Dalunir, Rathenmedus and Nathaniel, in order of preference. I love to draw, play videogames and Magic The Gathering. Lately I've begun a very spiritual path that has segregated me from most of my previous influences, such as my family who could not adapt to who I was becoming and old friends I thought were close but began to distance themselves from me, one by one, until I now only have a close-knit web of people I trust.
My path started me as a Reformed Christian, hearing the voice of Christ after a psychotic break from watching The Bible series. I was depressed, an alcoholic and hated everyone and everything in this world, including myself. I tossed Christianity to the curb when I was very young, blaming God for taking away my mother when I was only eleven years old. I fell hard into negativity. When I heard God speaking to me in my pain that day, I was almost admitted into a psychiatric ward. I could barely work, talk or think for two days, until a very close, spiritual brother pulled me out of it. Long story short, I converted again and got my life on track, but it wasn't long before him and I were at odds.
Learning the ways of Christianity and wanting to help him as he helped me, with verses to back this up, I would calmly confront him on things that he was openly disobeying to a heinous degree. Each time this happened, we would explode into arguments and he would claim that I didn't understand the Bible well enough and that he was beyond reproach. It quickly became a realization that not only was he here to bring back to a good path, he was put on my path to show me the kind of person I was NOT supposed to become.
I found myself spending a lot of my free time doing volunteer work at an old world, multicultural shop where I became good friends with the owners. It wasn't long before we had intense, though enlightening and hilarious debates and conversations about the differences in our religions and it began to become apparent that other religions had more similarities than I previously thought. I had always been aware of this, but I never took the time to truly understand the differences as well as the things that lined up. Then, it happened.
A symbol invaded my mind. It wasn't harsh, but my mind didn't make it on it's own; a sword paired between Vs. As much as I searched, I could not locate that special symbol, until one day, in a game of Pathfinder no less, the very symbol revealed itself in the form of a sigil used by a warrior goddess, daughter to the main light deity of the realm. It was a comparison to Athena, I now realize, but finding it perplexing and somewhat frightening to have this happen, I leaned on my friend from the store, whom I knew was an expert on these things.
He opened up to me about the realities of energies and the spirit world and that this was a sign that something was starting. He advised to take offerings to one of our closest sacred sites, an old rock labyrinth, pray and walk it for answers. I did so and with careful instruction, I had also decided to visit the beach near to where I live to cleanse myself.
It was here that a distinct and recognizable voice had thundered in my mind. It was Poseidon. I felt the fear in my blood spike, for somehow I knew who the voice was. More than likely because, as a haughty Christian I had used this place to perform my first, informal baptism for a friend. Privately, I had openly challenged the Pagan deities, I believe even calling him by name, for I did not believe in them at the time. In this moment, it was very, very real and he knew who I was. He demanded me to tell him a reason why he should allow me to bathe myself for blessing.
Frightened at my reality coming crashing down, I could do nothing but offer what little apology I could and an oath that I would do better in his name. He grudgingly accepted it and told me to lower my hands to the water and wait for the tide to recede. I would douse the water in my hands on myself over my head and it would be his blessing.
No sooner than I had placed my hands as instructed and allowed the tide to recede, did a massive wave breach that shore and smash wholly into my being, drenching from my lower torso and all the way down my legs. I remember him laughing, telling me to do it again and to be gone. I could not deny what had occurred and it happened once again at the labyrinth, making it to the center and moved back out before Athena appeared in my mind's eye, alongside the goddess I read in my book, Mayaheine, whom was silent and was more of a reminder than anything.
She laid claim to me and I did so for her, but she gave me a stern and, what at first appeared to be a solemn though angry condition that I could not be a Christian any longer. She left shortly after I completed the circuit of the labyrinth and I remember violently shaking, in fear of breaking again. I called upon the help of my friend again and I met him at his house to discuss what occurred.
The store owner, a wise woman, heard what I didn't and enlightened me. She believed that it was not so much as a command to give up on Christianity, something that in my being is simply not possible, but a statement that I'm just not the run of the mill Christian anymore. I was something totally different now. She believed that Athena would not ask so blindly of a request from a person who needed the support of Christ in his life, that it did not fit her personality and so that there had to be an ulterior meaning.
Sure enough, after long months of meditation, attending church for a few last times and being tutored by my friend, whom also led me to Cunningham's books, I realized that statement is true. I cannot turn my back on Christ, but I cannot do so to Poseidon or Athena now either.
Those three are as equally real to me as anything I've experienced and with my connections to the Earth, and Gaia as a result, growing, I've come to terms with the idea that there is no true name for what I am. No simple label and in truth, I hate labels very much.
All people want to do is this day and age is ask for one shred of detail and they think that they can categorize you, that they know who you are from a single interaction and no further. No, not me. I cannot provide such information, for I do not even have it myself. I am simply me, living in a relationship with the immense living and breathing entity that is the Theos, my word for the whole of the Divine, that has shown me many faces and continues to influence my life in everything I do.
Today, I am working to explore the roots of my Native American ancestry from my mother's side, having already a good understanding of the German/Swiss roots from my father. I had never paid attention and with the idea of a growing, spiritual relationship, I can't help but feel a calling to my roots I never explored in my Native American blood. The true purpose in it has yet to be revealed, but the path I see for now is learning more about the energies personified in nature and to become a shaman through them.
I have taken the name Dalunir as an affirmation to myself that I am changing my identity, my beliefs and how my heart works. I want to be a positive force in the world and not a negative one, like how I used to be and what this world seems obsessed with. Dalunir came from my own unique process in finding my name and perhaps at some point I will share it here.
Aside from my spiritual life, I hope to make a career one day of writing books and poems. I love to cook and have fancied the idea of making a recipe book at some point. But not just cook mind you, I practice Frankenstein-isms in the kitchen >;D , demented concoctions of ingredients, flavors and other things that not necessarily should be mixed. Some of them come with amazing results...others, well, I enjoy them usually, but I can't say the same for my guinea pigs.
I'm always open to making new friends, preferably not enemies if at all avoidable, unless its in philosophical debates, then have at me. I tend to get very protective for those I call my family and friends, sometimes to an extreme. Blood is everything to me and it's worth it to me to protect.
I'm 6 feet tall, my favorite food is just about anything that tastes good, my musical tastes bleed between metal, rock, jazz, electronic and folk, in the Chinese Zodiac, I'm a monkey, Cancer for the Astrological Zodiac which makes my birth element Water, ruby for my birth stone, larkspur my flower and my birth tree is Holly.
If there's anything else you want to know about me, and I deem you have the security clearance to know, message me about it. Otherwise, stop creeping on my page! Blessed be, namaste, au vedere che, au revoir and good-bye!
It's truly a mortifying feeling, to feel like I may have played a role in someone's destined death.
Just shy of a year ago, a dear friend passed away. Crystal was a strong and faithful woman, whom had a lot of issues. She had issues with family, a drug history that harmed her body, violent attacks that left her maimed and through it all she survived.
While working at OPTIONS, I had the pleasure of knowing her and we became quick friends, speaking of our friends, family and relationship with the Divine. One of her regrets was that she was out of touch with the Bible, didn't want to be, but family life and work kept her from going to it.
Having faith in my knowledge I had from my old church and an accessible King James in the home we worked at, I read to her on our downtime at site. Using the word as council for our relationships. She cried and I won't forget what that felt like. She seemed better, while still in her declining state.
It was shortly after that journey that fate forced me to leave OPTIONS, via my car breaking down and stranding me with my roommate, Robert. Within two months, I then found out she had passed, but by unconventional means.
We had been visited at our trailer by a spirit in the middle of a cold night. He and I felt it's presence and did what we could to commune before I realized it was someone close. My stomach ate at me and looked to Facebook to find that she had passed from her stress and lapsing conditions.
I was heartbroken and did what I could. I thanked her for her visit and performed a small rite that Greeks would once perform, ushering the spirit by commemorating their memory and telling them that their business with me and the responsibilities of her flesh were finished and that she should move on in peace.
The presence ceased and while I could not attend her viewing and memory, I was there with her in spirit and believe she came to say goodbye.
It haunts me, in both a good and bad way. I have to wonder if I was placed there solely to give her worded council that she needed before her time came, that I in some way played a part in her faith. She was a dear friend who will be missed but I have faith that she made it to her hard-earned reward.
|Wanting a couple items from the DA store, but do not have, well, any points to spend and I have no money to spare either for them. You can choose to blissfully donate them or you send the points for any commissions I've done for you into here. Both works and I'm in no rush. Just two things I have my eyes on that I'd like to snag.|